90% of People Don't Know the Best Kept Secret of Nailing the Job Interview
I left the world of business years ago in order to live out my ambitions as a bum. So I don’t need this secret anymore. You can have it, my child.
That title isn’t clickbait.
I don’t work in the corporate world anymore, but when I did, I interviewed hundreds of salespeople, and ninety per cent of them didn’t know about this. And before you ask, no, it does not involve visualising the interviewer naked. That is a terrible idea, especially if you are prone to flushing or involuntary masturbation.
I am going to give you five tips here. The first four are important, but the last one may change your interviewing world.
This isn’t a vague guide to developing the right attitude. It is a series of simple techniques that will take your interviewing skills to the next level.
I remember my first job interview.
It was for a retail assistant in a shop called ‘Crackpots’ in York, England. I turned up in an old tweed suit with black shoes. The suit was too small, and it ripped during the interview. After the interview, for some reason, I got the impression that the job was mine. So, I turned up for work the next day only to find out I didn’t have the job.
This event was so traumatic that I believe it led me to many psychological wild goose chases when securing employment. (The tweed suit stars in a short story I wrote here). I have attended a lot of interviews in my life (possibly as a result of that event. I have no idea how many. More importantly, though, I have probably interviewed over a thousand people from the other side of the table. It is this perspective that allows me to speak with authority on this subject.
1.) Stretch your mouth and warm up your vocal cords
My Dad taught me to do this. It seems ridiculous. But, you will be amazed at how much richer your voice will sound if you do this. You stretch by alternating two facial expressions — First, smile as hard as you can, then pout as hard as you can alternating between the two. Smile for three seconds, then pout for three seconds. Do this as many times as you can. Do it when no one is watching.
As you are getting ready, put some music on and sing to it loudly in the morning. It might be an hour or so before your interview, but you will be amazed at what a difference it makes.
2.) Be well-groomed.
This seems obvious, I know, but it needs to be said. People are fickle creatures, and any number of things can trigger dislike in your interviewer. If they are disgusted with any part of your appearance, you will not get the job regardless of how well the interview goes. So, you have to be very clean and preferably smell good. When I say smell good, I don’t mean soap or laundry powder or Brut. Find out what the most popular perfume or aftershave is at that time and wear it, but don’t go over the top. You don’t want to smell like you are going on a date. BE SUBTLE.
Be sure to trim your nose hair, ear hair and any unsightly hairs. One nose hair out of place will lose you the interview. Go over the top with your grooming. Clean up any dry skin or dermatitis. Whilst technically, people shouldn’t be cruel in rejecting people with flaky skin, they will. It’s a harsh world. Dry skin is often caused by inflammation. Try CBD oil or, if you are game — urine therapy. But don’t stink like piss at the interview.
Wear top-notch clothes that are well ironed. Don’t skimp on this. Be well dressed but not in a daggy way. Check out the latest magazines and dress as if you are a model. If you own a cat or dog, keep them away from your interview clothes. Remove all hairs from your clothes. Be thorough about this.
3.) Prepare a lot of stories
There is nothing that interviewers like better than stories. It would help if you prepared lots that answer job interview questions such as ‘name a time when you have gone above or beyond in a job’. Craft stories that demonstrate your ability to work to a deadline, work in a team and your ability to lead. Make sure that your stories aren’t too long but aren’t too short. In an interview, there is a fine line between rambling and being too brief. Aim for thirty to forty-five seconds. Don’t ever speak longer than one minute at a time.
4.) Don’t be afraid to bend the truth
I am a massive fan of being utterly transparent in most situations. Still, the job market is one of those areas where I feel exaggeration is never entirely out of place. Sure, if you are going for a job as a surgeon or an airline pilot, maybe not. But for a regular job where you aren’t saving lives, you need to do what you can to get through the front door.
When I first got to Australia, I applied to work in a cocktail bar in a five-star hotel. Having never poured a drink in my life, I’d say it was a risk at the very least. Later I got my first break in management by making up an entirely fictional resume. I’ll get to those things in another post. Just know the job market is brutal these days, and you have to do what you can.
5.) Bring a notepad filled with notes (and make more notes as you go along)
I am still amazed how many people don’t do this. This is one of the most essential pieces of advice there is for nailing an interview. People still believe (perhaps subconsciously) that we aren’t allowed to do this, as if it’s like taking notes into a test or something. Perhaps school exam culture has affected us more than we think.
A job interview is a power play, and so often, the interviewer sits there with their laptop or notes, and you sit there with your hands in your lap like a small child in the headmaster’s office. Having a notepad and pen serves several purposes.
Carrying a pen is like a magic wand.
It gives you something to hold onto and express yourself with. Taking notes as someone speaks makes it seem like you are both interested and professional. It takes away your need to stare at the interviewer like a creep constantly. Instead, you look at your notes while listening, you nod politely, and you bring your head up here and there, nodding at the person. Having a notebook creates equality between you and the interviewer. So they are no longer interviewing you. You are both interviewing each other.
You can have a ton of information in front of you.
The night before your interview, write the answer to a series of typical job interview questions — the stories we discussed earlier. Don’t write whole stories but prompts to remind you. Write down some essential details about the company. Write down some questions for the interviewer. Don’t be afraid to refer to your notes.
You can take down more notes as you go.
It is critical to know the interviewer’s name. Write this down. If you want to be an absolute genius, Google your interviewer beforehand, find three things that might relate to them and bring them up randomly during the interview. What I mean is, find some things in common and bring them up. Don't actually bring up facts about the interviewer. Try not to be creepy about this.
Business people aren’t actors. Nobody expects you to remember everything. Interviewers expect you to be professional, and taking notes and referring to your notes shows that you are experienced and organised.
Even world leaders don’t give speeches off the top of their heads. Every word is planned. Your interview should be designed as much as possible.
Should I just take a laptop or tablet?
The simple answer is no. Perhaps I am old school in saying this, but you will find a general stigma with many interviewers. Speaking to someone while they tap into a laptop or, even more so, a phone makes you feel not listened to. A notepad doesn't not. It’s more organic.
Nod your head while you type notes. This is important to let them know you are listening. Look up here and there, and verbally acknowledge what they are saying.
The secret to nailing a job interview, in case you haven’t guessed, is preparation.
I don’t mean this in a cheesy way. You just need to understand that people don’t care how much you can come up with crap off the top of your head. Employers are more impressed by someone that has their shit together. The subtle things in an interview will get you over the line.
As an interviewer, in the end, when you ask:
Have you got any questions for me?
You want the interviewee to look at their notes and ask at least one quality question. Three questions is a good number. Before you ask the third, be sure to say finally, so they know you won’t be crapping on forever. Ask at least one question that concerns the interviewer. ‘How long have you worked here?’ ‘Did you start at my level and work your way up?’ is a powerful rapport-building tool. I will explain why another time.
Photos: Olia Danilevich, Tima Miroshnichenko, Rodnae Productions, Picjumbo
If ya think this was alright, sign up for my free newsletter. That’s where I put all the really good stuff.
Also, do you like books, kind Sir/Madam/Other? How about bald, penis rocket spacemen who sell books? If so, visit my author page at the cracked head gasket of the economy AKA cockrocket.com.
More from Frank T Bird (That’s me):
