I’m a lonely fucker

Follow Me On Social Media, You Bastards

For every follow, I’ll take off a piece of clothing

And yeah, I know I just wrote that bastard shit about hating marketing

And it’s true. I do hate it. But that’s just the type of stinking anus capitalist world we live in, isn’t it?

To a degree, that marketing piece I wrote was just for my own entertainment. I actually wanked off in my grandma’s cupboard while reading it and simultaneously choking myself with my grandfather’s memorial World War 2 tie that he stole from a Nazi during the battle of the Cold Plums in Poland.

I think it’s important we don’t take any of this shit seriously. Because soon, a dog will be pissing on the dirt above your corpse in the local cemetery.

Or if you’re lucky, you’ll be getting fucked by Father Peter, the local necrophiliac gravedigger/priest and his cousin Gorn.

Do you know what I’m saying?

The point I’m trying to make here is that we work hard at the marketing crap cos we all wanna be big-shot authors that get blowjobs from readers after we do book signings. But you shouldn’t make a badge out of it and pin it on your ego next to the red string vest that says ‘writer’ on the back.

The best way is to create content like a vegan beaver on speed, building an eco-friendly dam. But you don’t need to do some internal commentary. You just create the damn shit, and then shit will happen, whether that shit is shit or more than shit or no shit at all.

Are you listening, you fucker? Cos this is important.

Anyway, fuck it. Follow me on social media, would ya?

Like I said, for every follow, I’ll take off a piece of clothing and mail it to you in an envelope made from my golden pubes. I might even follow yer back aswell.

Here’s the shit:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/frank.t.bird/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/FrankTBird

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FrankTBird1

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com.au/franktbird

Think that’s it.

Thanks n that.

FTB