I dreamed I was gay for Gerard Depardieu. What does it mean?

Four Bowls of Granola and Two Wanks

It’s been a good month. Thats what I would say if some ferret with round glasses at a bus stop asked me how I was doing.

Frank T Bird
6 min readJan 26, 2024


My name is Frank T Bird and I’m a WRITER

Hi Frank

It’s been a month since I last wrote anything of significance.

I’ve been channelling all that gravy into meditating on the 64449th Chakra instead. And after fourteen years of no results, I finally had a vision of the horse (dicked) god, Giganto. I will reveal what he told me gradually over the coming decades.

Since putting down the digital pen I’ve cooked for twenty six people on a week long Trekcho retreat. And it gave me great empathy for those bastards on Masterchef or The Great British Baking Orgy or those microphone headed red soldiers who guard the King of England and who have to stand up all fucking day wearing shiny boots rather than slippers.

I’ve eaten nothing but dead birds and salad for the last month. Some people call it chicken and salad. But chicken is just a made up word. Yer actually eating dead bird. It’s the word, turd. Don’t be a fucking…