How to Accept the Truth of Death
No amount of faith or belief will help you to accept the truth of death fully. A person can have a tremendous amount of trust in something their whole life and still be inconsolable at the time of death.
It would help if you reflected on death and impermanence in a meditation setting. In regular meditation, we develop concentration by focusing the mind on an object. It’s like tying a crazy horse down with a rope. Every time the mind wanders, we bring it back to the object. This practice slows down thought and helps us see clearer, which is very useful in itself.
Usually, the object is the breath, a sound or a rock, but in analytical meditation, we use a topic of thought as the object.
In your meditation, think about all aspects of death.
Break each point down and think about all of the things in the world that are born and die: the weather, the seasons, plants, humans, animals, companies, houses, the earth itself, stars, suns. Think about your own death and the death of your loved ones. Think about all the beings that have died in history and the fact that no one escapes death. The subject is so vast you should never run out of material
If your mind wanders to another topic, bring it back to the subject of death. It doesnt matter what aspect of death you are thinking about as long as you are thinking about it.
If you can do this for fifteen minutes a day, your whole life will change, and you will come to understand death and impermanence much more than you do now.
Even soldiers become used to war when they have been around it long enough.
In the West, most of us have very little experience of death because culturally, we like to hide away the signs as if it is a dirty thing. This unfamiliarity adds to the fear. In other cultures, death is everywhere. Charnel grounds in India are public places where they burn bodies in the open. We don’t have those things here, and it makes it so much worse. To us, death is so taboo
We don't have access to dead bodies here, but you can spend time in the company of death in your meditation. If you want to take it to the next level, go and volunteer in a hospice and help people suffering through the dying process.
One of the greatest secrets to getting over a fear of something is to comfort people who have the same fear.
You gradually cease to be the victim and become a helper instead. Through this, you learn so much. Please do not run away from it but get close to it, befriend it. You don't have to be an expert to help someone who is dying. You don't have to pretend you have the answers. Just being with them, holding their hand as a friend is usually such a relief.
Finally, if you like, you can study the Bardo Thodral (The Tibetan Book of the Dead), a preparation manual for the afterlife which gives specific instructions on how to prepare while alive and instructions for once you have passed away. This manual was prepared by a meditation master called Padmasambhava who mastered the after death state through his meditation.
From the Buddhist perspective, meditation and death are very similar, and we can learn to control the process of death through deep practice.
It may also be helpful to study the teachings of Elizabeth Kubler Ross and the Five Stages of Grief. Ultimately, if we can, we should fully let go of trying to find a solution for ourselves and instead educate ourselves on how we can help others with the same fear.
Through providing this help to others, we help ourselves, and when we understand that we are not alone in our fear, it can make the whole process not just bearable but also fascinating.
Photo: Mike
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