Oh, the generosity
I Sent An Email to Medium About My Bonus
Did anyone else get this amazing bonus?
There I was sitting there at my chafing station, sweating life and death over another article to dump into the Medium machine.
I was feeling shit hot about the coming bonus from Medium for ‘listening time’ until to my horror, I saw this article by BichoDoMato
The article talks about how he received $1.32 for his bonus. In a panicked state, I legged it to February's stats and yep, it was the same for me too. $1.32
Those Motherfuckers.
And all hell broke loose.
I remembered the original email from ‘Warren’ at Medium
I often do things without thinking them through. this was one of those times.
I just saw RED like Denzel Washington in Man on Fire.
I sent a reply to Warren.
For those with masturbation eyes like me, here is what it said,
Hello Warren
I finally realised that when you contacted me to tell me I would be receiving a bonus for listening time, you were taking the piss.
I don’t know if you and the other people in the Medium bonus team or whatever thought it might be a funny prank to play on people.
Are you the kind of team that also put whoopee cushions on each other’s chairs or spunk into each other’s sandwiches?
Cos, that’s not that funny. I know someone who got pregnant like that.
Medium writers don’t deserve this. If you are going to pay $1.34, just pay it. Don’t send me an email pumping that shit up like you are sending me a Porsche.
Personally, I took out a bank loan by showing them the email you sent me. Now I have to explain to the bank manager that I fucked up.
I’ll probably have to send him flowers and give him head in the back of his Volvo again.
I also bought a bottle of 1953 Don Perignon and some caviar which my wife and I enjoyed in the Penthouse Suite at the Hyatt to celebrate.
But that’s nothing. I know one writer that used the email as collateral to buy a boat!
And not just a small dinghy, Im talking forty-foot luxury yacht with fridges n shit. He even got a bidet installed, which was extra. Once his wife finds out, he is fucked. He will probably commit suicide, and it will be your fault.
So anyway, I hope you feel bad, you bastards. No, it’s not a one-time bonus. It’s a one time stinking shit all over anyone who received it.
Please excuse me now as I have to go and write an article about this.
Seriously, stick it up your arse, you idiot/s.
All the best,
Frank
IS THIS THE END OF MY MEDIUM CAREER?
