Eat my yellow-stained sphincter dust
I’m Leaving Medium —Just For A Little Bit
When I say a little bit, I mean maybe a week or two or three —maybe a lot longer
I don’t know.
I’m in the middle of this thirty-day write-every-day wet fish in a bag, scrotum thief of a challenge.
But, if I’m honest, Your Honour, I’ve come to some darn conclusions.
New shit has come to light, Man.
My plan has always been to produce books AND write on Medium
But I’m quickly realising to do both is like trying to get a blow job off the Queen.
I’ve written numerous times about how corporate writing gigs put the big word on creativity.
But, writing every day on Medium ALSO empties yo tiny pockets of those golden chocolate coins called ‘Your limited daily creativity’ and those fun-size purple diamonds known as ‘Your daily writing time’.
And, yeah, I must admit I’ve had a few decent months financially. But it’s like giving a one-time sucky-sucky to a policeman back on Koh Chang in 2008.
The reward, despite Medium’s claims, is not long-term passive income. It kinda goes:
Month one: $7900
Month two: $650
Month Three: A tenner and a kebab
Month four: Enough to buy a thimble of worm coffee
Month five: An amount below the physical currency available to humans.
And if, like me, you write stories that will be just as crude and offensive in six months as they were when they were written, why the fuck isn’t Medium showing them to anybody six months after they are written?
It’s a basic fucking question.
Is it because Medium is a stinking content whore that might do everything in its power to keep you producing more and more content daily?
But, why would they do this, Frank?
I don’t know. Why not ask Stan’ The Baker’ Rodgerson, the current CEO of Medium?
But to be damn honest, I’m sick of my income from Medium dropping by 96.8% if I don’t keep writing every day. It’s a shitty, shitty model and writers that have never earned money writing are just so blown away that they are getting paid that they put up with fucking anything.
And even if you write just one hour a day and earn $200 a month, It’s about seven stinking bucks an hour. Some sweaty, spotty little pubic bastard in KFC earns more than that. But let’s face it, since 90% of Medium writers make less than $100 a month and work a lot more than an hour a day, the hourly rate is often a lot less than that.
But Frank, the community? Sure.
Exposure? Maybe a little. I’d get more if I sucked off the President while he was asleep, or I filmed myself eating Mary Berry’s pussy while Paul Hollywood schmucked his peach scouse monkey.
Is Medium a fucking content mill?
I don’t know. This was never supposed to be a fucking burn session on Medium. It is what it is, and I’m sick of bitching about it.
I’m not leaving cos Medium is a content whore.
It’s because I don’t have any fucking time to write my books.
And I think if I can start getting books on that dickship captain’s stinkhole of a website, at least it’s going to start creating potential income from stuff that has been written — stuff that might never sell but also has as much chance of selling in six months as it does now.
Tell me I’m wrong, Mothertruckers. Tell me.
Surely as writers, we have to try other ways of making money, and how is that possible if yer spending all yer gold chococoins and purple diamonds on Medium.ballbag?
In summary, fuck the thirty-day challenge.
The next time you hear from me, I will have a proper meth zombie ‘author’ page at:
dickship.com
AKA the broken head gasket of the economy.
AKA The Spanish flu of the writing industry
Do you know the place?
And this here so-called authors page will contain at least one finished book, probably unedited but fuck it.
And yeah, I could be the Greta Thunberg of writing and yell how dare you at dickship.com and publish my book on some other website called ‘fruity fiction’ or ‘anal books’, but fuck it once again. I don’t have the energy for that shit right now — maybe when I’m a famous author in 2098.
I’ll be back. But, until then, I leave you with these five unique writing prompts:
- Everything has a sound if you have the right ears
- Check out this 000 emergency station on Youtube music: What happened?
- Scrotumless Panties: Are they erotic?
- McDonald’s: A mixture of various pastes shaped and cooked.
- Depression is your muse.
If I die before I return, please tell my old PE teacher, Randy Mr Nichols, I’m sorry. I made it all up.
FTB
