Some kind of book launch thing

My new book is now available for purchasing/stealing

Well, ain’t that the opposite of a clickbait title?

Frank T Bird
3 min readMay 10, 2023


Nothing stops a writer from clicking on another writer’s blog post, like the mention of their new book, which will undoubtedly change the lives of those who read it.

But I don’t give a fuck.

Do you really think I am going to have a book launch where I invite four of my friends and thirteen rent-a-crowd agents, and I get one of those flappy signs made from Officeworks and do a little speech while every bastard gets drunk on my $7.50 a bottle sparkling white wine?

The last book launch I did for my novelinski, The Therapist, was hidden at the end of a self-help writing article. This one isn’t that hidden, but I still ain’t gonna have a scarlet parrot party about the whole bastard situation.

So, I released a new book.

There. Consider it launched, whatever the fuck that means.

It’s called Midnight in Footscray.

CRITICAL TRIGGER ALERT: If you have sensitive toes, don’t read this or any of my stuff. Cos, yeah, it’s transgressive fiction. Which means don’t read it to your toddler before bed, okay? In plain English, there's some roody tooty bits in it and crap that will make nooshbags want to cancel me forever.

You can buy it on Amazon only, which pisses me off right now, and I am trying to remedy it, but the whole market is a piece of shit, and Amazon seem to be the only one getting it right.

I now have three books in print on Amazon, which pleases me since ebooks are a piece of shit. I believe this to such a degree that Midnight in Footscray is only available in print.

But Frank, you are leaving money on the table

Look, I don’t give a shit, alright. I’m not Jerry Tolkein or whatever. It’s not like I sell a thousand copies a week. It’s more like one a week. And honestly, the idea of someone reading this book on an electronic screen makes my balls shrivel.

So, if you want it, please buy the print. You won’t regret it.

And while you are there, check out my new website, which I just spent the last 72 hours and forty-two cans of tantrum working on flat out.

Spread the word, Beavers.

All the best,


PS The book will triple in price seven days from now, so get in there. If you were on my subscriber list, you would know the reasons, but here’s a clue: It has fuck all to do with Neil Patel, that bastard.