The Greatest Sauce of All Time
Stop what you are doing and make this sauce right now. Hey! I said NOW.
Twenty years ago, I was vegetarian, and about ten years ago, I was vegan for around three years. While I don’t indulge in the ethical culinary arts so much these days, I have carried a recipe that was and still is a life-changer from those years.
You don’t have to be vegan to enjoy this. You can put this sauce on anything from a bit of steamed broccoli to a charred son o’ bitch rib eye to a giant horse turd. It doesn’t matter. They are all gonna taste delicious.
I mention vegans particularly here because, when I was vegan, the thing I missed the most wasn’t meat.
It was cheese motherfuckers.
This explains why I only managed three years as a vegan and twenty as a vegetarian. It was that damn yellow gold loved by cats and mice equally.
Anyway, fear not vegans of the world. If it’s a sumptuous umami rogering that you crave, look no further. I present to you:
The Greatest Sauce of All Time
There are two variations on this sauce.
The first we shall call Sauce A. It’s a sweet, creamy, nutty, umami hit.
The second we shall call Sauce X. It exists for when an extra hit of ‘no cheese’ cheese is needed.
Sauce A
Start with three tablespoons of tahini.
Yeah, I know what yer thinking. Tahini is shit, it’s too full-on, and it gives ya a wee bastard of a stomach ache. I understand. But it’s because you are doing it wrong. Tahini isn’t to be spread on toast like peanut butter or eaten off the spoon like Nutella. Listen up…
Start whipping cold water into the tahini.
You will probably want about three tablespoons of cold water for each tablespoon of tahini. At first, it might look curdled. Keep whipping, and a miracle will happen. — Your dark, brooding, thick tahini starts to become a creamy white dressing. Keep adding water until you reach a consistency you are happy with.
Add lemon juice.
Add a teaspoon for each original tablespoon of tahini that you used. Whip it in and adjust to taste.
Add tamari
Some people use salt. Some might use regular soy sauce. Personally, I believe tamari is far superior to soy sauce in terms of flavour. Also, it is wheat-free. Add half a teaspoon for each tablespoon of tahini you started with and adjust to taste.
When you have finished whipping these three magic ingredients, stop and have a lick. What did I tell you? The greatest sauce of all time?
Sauce X
Need that extra cheesy hit?
This one is easy. Mix one part tahini and one part white miso. Add water to the same degree as before and add lemon juice to taste. This is closer to cheese than any vegan cheese I have ever come across.
That’s pretty much it. Let me know if you tried this shit and what you put it on.
You're welcome, tongue-bearing citizens.
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