Member-only story
The Year of the Dragon, Innit?
Ya gotta expect some fire from the universal dragon gob
Captain’s Log. Star date your grandmother’s decaying nipples.
What a week it has been.
I stopped purchasing from my local grocer because I don’t fancy a fucking deep conversation about every piece of damn fruit I buy. I mean, I get it. The apples are unwaxed and not kept in a deep freeze for six months until they’re frozen like Walt Disney’s cock, and trust me, I appreciate that. I do. And yeah, you want to be friendly so people can return. But it’s the opposite. No one wants to talk about fruit anymore. We want you to smile and look up and tell us the price. Then we want to fuck off without commitment. It’s how it is. So I’m moving on. Sorry, friendly grocer. It’s why you’re going out of business.
You’re just too damn friendly.
You’re Edgar Friendly, played by Dennis Leary in Demolition Man. What a film, till they dubbed out Taco Bell with Pizza Hut. If you understand, I love you.
The point is, in 2024, shut the fuck up and sell me my fruit, motherfucker.
