Writers Need to Stop Wanking Off So Much

It’s like Fluoride for the Creative Mind

And yeah, people are always like,

Frank, you are the King of wanking. You’re always writing about it, like the time you wanked on an aeroplane.

I Joined The Mile High Club With Myself

And it’s just not true. I’m a writer of fiction. Almost everything I write about is entirely made up.

You might be surprised to learn that the last time I masturbated was on September 11th 2001, and the only reason I did it was to deal with the stress of finding out that Shannon Doherty would be leaving Charmed after three seasons.

Regardless, I do happen to be a great source of information on the subject of masturbation, which is why I can write about it with such stunning accuracy.

What is wanking?

Like any good blog post or recipe, one needs to begin with a long rant to fill one’s word quota and add the obligatory SEO keywords such as wanking and masturbation.