Should I take my stuff off Amazon?
You Can’t Boycott Amazon And Then Eat A Sausage McMuffin For Breakfast, You Schmunks
The only way to avoid the corporation is to stop living.
And already I hear your progressive whines.
Well, no, Frank, it’s possible if you grow your own food and don’t own a computer or a phone and keep cash and gold under the bed to pay for your electricity. Actually, you can only have electricity if you generate it yourself and build the panels yourself, as well as the battery, and you mine the cobalt yourself by walking on foot to Africa to the cobalt mine in shoes that you made yourself from the leather of a cow that you gave birth to yourself.
Yeah, it’s possible.
Someone asked why I sell my books on Amazon since I always slag them off
And I like it when people say that to me because it means they are reading my foul words about the bald cock rocket monster and his broken head gasket of the economy, aka Amazon.com. And they have a point. At least once every third day, I wake up on the kitchen floor and think, why am I even involved with Amazon?
And it’s not for the reasons you think.
Is it because they have single-handedly destroyed the writing industry?
No, because they haven’t — not single-handedly, anyway. Sure, you now have to sell your book for $1.99, but before Amazon, you wouldn’t have even sold any books because your writing is so dull that no traditional publisher would have taken you on. Sorry, I meant to say that your writing is too exciting or different for a traditional publisher.
There is good and bad to most things, and that includes the cockrocket.com
And to be honest, as the title of this article hints, you can’t just boycott one bastard corporation for moral reasons without asking yourself why you aren’t boycotting them all.
Because unless you wake up in the bed you have made yourself from the trees that your grandfather grew with his bare arse and unless you eat bacon for breakfast from a pig you met in a bar in Saigon who volunteered to die for ‘the cause’ and — well, let’s not go through it again.
We live in a world owned by corporations, and that’s a real bitch. We could single one out, but what’s the point?
Still, I don’t agree with literary hunchbacks who write their blogs about writing, telling you that Amazon is such a big marketplace that there is no way you could survive without them.
For ninety-seven point three per cent of us, that’s total bullshit.
I’ve had my first two books on Amazon for one year, and to date, Amazon has done absolutely nothing to promote my books. The audience I am reaching on Amazon is no bigger than if I were to stand in a giant cornfield and promote my books to the empty sky using a combination of sign language and interpretive dance.
But Frank, you have to promote your books yourself.
No shit, Spurlock, and do you think I don’t know that after a year of compressing one’s ballsack in the ‘new author learning lessons wringer’?
I have learned that Amazon will do jack shit to promote your books unless you pay them money to promote the books that they take a cut of themselves.
And yeah, they might have a massive audience. But I don’t need to sell fifty million copies of my books. I don’t need to appear on some American Morning show on a barstool speaking to Ken and Barbie about how I sold my Ducati and became a Hare Krishna before realising writing was my higher calling.
I just want to sell one book a week. That would be enough to say to myself, Frank, you are still a loser, but now you are a loser that sells books, so stop crying into your Special K.
And yet, something still grinds me about Amazon. It might be that bald tit in a suit and his smarmy smile. It may not even be Amazon. It could be the bald bloggers that say we can’t be authors without it.
And yeah, this might be one of those ideas I regret like when I quit the Medium Partner Program.
But surely it’s worth a crack, right? It’s not like I have a colossal empire to protect. I’m not Julia Seizure. I haven’t sold a damn book all week.
So, surely it would be nice, for just a few weeks, to sit back in your oatmeal armchair, smoking your cherry cola tobacco through your antique beechwood pipe and thinking to yourself,
I’m an author that doesn’t have an involvement with Amazon.
Not for any progressive reasons, either — not even as any kind of boycott.
Just cos everyone says, you have to.
And they are wrong.
